Ok, so they say stress causes you to gain weight... I am probably going to gain 10 pounds today!
On a serious note though... oh I would really LOVE something yummy right now. I am having major cravings and I am thirsty!!! Usually that means my blood sugar is up... not this time. I checked mine and it was 63. So, I didn't feel so bad that I popped some popcorn (and gave most of it away). Small steps. Ali has cheer practice tonight so I'll be eating late. It isn't an ideal situation but I prefer to eat something late (that isn't loaaded in calories) instead of going to a fast food place and getting a combo. I really should have prepared better for tonight. Oh well :/ Oh, I am so excited! I did manage to walk almost a mile this morning with our dog! I was going downstairs to get on the eliptical and I decided to take our dog for a walk. It was even raining outside but I just grabbed a hoodie and took off. It started POURING right before the last leg of our walk so we had to take a shortcut but I still managed to walk :) My husband stuck with his plan and woke me up (almost an 1 1/2 earlier than I am accustomed to) so I was proud that I woke up (much less actually exercise). I am NOT a morning person.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Day 2 was my sons birthday party.
Friday was Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-fil-a. We ate their 2xs (lunch and dinner). I looked everything up online and planned my meals accordingly. So, I had a grilled chicken sandwich and fries at lunch and a regular chicken sandwich and fruit cup at dinner... I didn't even hit 1500 calories that day. It was easy...
Saturday was my son's birthday party... lunch was bad (McDonalds), I ate half a cupcake, and then had fries at the ballgame. I went nonstop from 5:30 AM until midnight... so I wasn't lazy. I barely sit down at the game too... we had 4 kids with us so someone was always hungry and I went to concessions stands at least 5 different times. I only ate some fries and one chicken tender though. Even managed to not get an ice cream sundae when everyone else did. The non diet soda was bad though :( So, all in all... it was a busy day and I do not feel too bad about what I ate. I should have ordered diet sodas though..... no sweet tea and regular sodas... wasted calories! I wasn't sitting around in watch TV all day. No, it wasn't perfect but who wants to live life on a diet 24/7 when they are at their kids birthday party and a baseball game. I will have to learn to live in moderation... moderation is not Mickey D's for lunch everyday but it will still be a part of my life on some days. So, this isn't a diet... it is a eating right most of the time and adding exercise! It's about being a normal eater and not a calorie obsessed freak or a person that lives off fast food.
Today, I return to the ballfield for another game. It will be a fundraiser for my daughter's cheer team. Tonight our church is having a cook out. My goal today is I will only have diet drinks... no wasted calories. It won't be a perfect day because I will still be left with some bad food choices and I will sneak a fry or 2, I will probably be starving at some point and eat a chicken tender. Tonight at the cook out I will have a cheeseburger. I already know this. I will not eat 3 brownies after that though. It will be small changes this week.
So, why these small changes this week? I read somewhere that if you are morbidly obese a great idea is to make small changes... see what a week of making good choices do for you. Say no to sodas one week... most morbidly obese people are unaware how they make lots of small bad decisions that lead to this. I think this is a good idea for me... I don't eat a large amount of food... it is what I eat. So, I failed with the regular soda and sweet tea thing yesterday but today is a new day!
Saturday was my son's birthday party... lunch was bad (McDonalds), I ate half a cupcake, and then had fries at the ballgame. I went nonstop from 5:30 AM until midnight... so I wasn't lazy. I barely sit down at the game too... we had 4 kids with us so someone was always hungry and I went to concessions stands at least 5 different times. I only ate some fries and one chicken tender though. Even managed to not get an ice cream sundae when everyone else did. The non diet soda was bad though :( So, all in all... it was a busy day and I do not feel too bad about what I ate. I should have ordered diet sodas though..... no sweet tea and regular sodas... wasted calories! I wasn't sitting around in watch TV all day. No, it wasn't perfect but who wants to live life on a diet 24/7 when they are at their kids birthday party and a baseball game. I will have to learn to live in moderation... moderation is not Mickey D's for lunch everyday but it will still be a part of my life on some days. So, this isn't a diet... it is a eating right most of the time and adding exercise! It's about being a normal eater and not a calorie obsessed freak or a person that lives off fast food.
Today, I return to the ballfield for another game. It will be a fundraiser for my daughter's cheer team. Tonight our church is having a cook out. My goal today is I will only have diet drinks... no wasted calories. It won't be a perfect day because I will still be left with some bad food choices and I will sneak a fry or 2, I will probably be starving at some point and eat a chicken tender. Tonight at the cook out I will have a cheeseburger. I already know this. I will not eat 3 brownies after that though. It will be small changes this week.
So, why these small changes this week? I read somewhere that if you are morbidly obese a great idea is to make small changes... see what a week of making good choices do for you. Say no to sodas one week... most morbidly obese people are unaware how they make lots of small bad decisions that lead to this. I think this is a good idea for me... I don't eat a large amount of food... it is what I eat. So, I failed with the regular soda and sweet tea thing yesterday but today is a new day!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Why did I let myself get this big?
Oh, this is a question I often SCREAM at myself. One thing cause this, I let food become my comfort, my joy, my escape from reality. I had horrible relationships and I let food become my escape. Somewhere I allowed the fat to take over and the skinny girl got lost inside. Now, that skinny girl is trying to ESCAPE! I honestly have a great life now and only one thing depresses me...the dreaded mirror. When I see myself I hate myself! So, I turn to food for comfort. Well, that has to stop!
Fortunately my husband met me when I was already FAT and he fell in love with me anyway. So, I am happy to find security in the fact I know he does love me unconditionally. However, since I feel so ugly and self conscious he has never met the completely happy person that LOVES life. I feel so sad to think about the fact he has NO IDEA what I like to wear. He can't buy me presents because he doesn't really know my style. I don't dress to look great for him... I wear the darkest stuff I can find because I am so fat. Anything to make myself look like I might be 5 pounds smaller. So, I want to introduce him to that amazingly confident skinny girl that is dying to get out of this fat body!!!! I want to wear pretty lingerie like I used to. I always had great bra and panty sets...now it's "boulder holders" and granny panties... BLAH! Yes, I know Lane Bryant has great lingerie but I don't feel sexy in it so I won't wear it. I know some people are comfortable in their bigger bodies... me NOT SO MUCH!!! The skinny girl is trying to escape!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Fortunately my husband met me when I was already FAT and he fell in love with me anyway. So, I am happy to find security in the fact I know he does love me unconditionally. However, since I feel so ugly and self conscious he has never met the completely happy person that LOVES life. I feel so sad to think about the fact he has NO IDEA what I like to wear. He can't buy me presents because he doesn't really know my style. I don't dress to look great for him... I wear the darkest stuff I can find because I am so fat. Anything to make myself look like I might be 5 pounds smaller. So, I want to introduce him to that amazingly confident skinny girl that is dying to get out of this fat body!!!! I want to wear pretty lingerie like I used to. I always had great bra and panty sets...now it's "boulder holders" and granny panties... BLAH! Yes, I know Lane Bryant has great lingerie but I don't feel sexy in it so I won't wear it. I know some people are comfortable in their bigger bodies... me NOT SO MUCH!!! The skinny girl is trying to escape!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Why the journey
So, I came home last night and informed my husband of my BIG DECISION! I want the Lap band surgery. He was NOT happy. He feels that I am completely capable of doing it without surgery. So, I told him I was willing to try (again)... I really don't have much choice. It takes 6 months of failed dieting (documented by a physician) to qualify with my insurance. I am willing to give it my all in the next 6 months. I will be very excited if it does work... the thought of surgery terrifies me. The thought of dying terrifies me more though.
So, where do I begin. My highest weight has been 283... I am down to 250 now. My 6 month goal is to make it to 199! That is 51 pounds. I really pray I can do it! I have informed my husband that he has to stay on top of me about this! I can not be trusted to do it alone, I will fail!!! I also have a friend, SK, that is willing to help me avoid surgery too. We are starting to walk 2 xs a week. She is about 6 weeks preggo so she can' exercise as vigorously as she would have liked before and she is definitely trying to avoid packing on the baby pounds.
So, where do I begin. My highest weight has been 283... I am down to 250 now. My 6 month goal is to make it to 199! That is 51 pounds. I really pray I can do it! I have informed my husband that he has to stay on top of me about this! I can not be trusted to do it alone, I will fail!!! I also have a friend, SK, that is willing to help me avoid surgery too. We are starting to walk 2 xs a week. She is about 6 weeks preggo so she can' exercise as vigorously as she would have liked before and she is definitely trying to avoid packing on the baby pounds.
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